Hanging off a Pendulum!

its a new life. once a student, now an employee. a part of the purpose of my education solved. being independent comes at a cost. the cost of time, money and one’s own sweat n toil. is it worth it? time alone will tell.

when i was in school, i couldn’t wait to grow up. i used to look at all the adults around me and admire them for their…’adultness’ and composure, the way they carried themselves. the opinions and the self composure. and today, when i can be called an adult by my own definition, i don’t feel like it at all. its not chronological time that makes you feel old, its what you do with that time that makes a difference. they say that the experience accumlated over a period of time is what tells your age and the level of wisdom one has attained. seems to be true. in any case, amen. guess its important to be careful what you’re wishing for.

Then there is the office. a 100 faces glued to computer screens, in pursuit of the perfect broadsheet of morrow. a 100*10 fingers frantically flying over keyboards, punching out the symphony of ‘objectivity’. sometimes not. gossip, tension, electricity, humidity, complexes-superiority mostly, egoes all part of the atmosphere, causing a degree of claustrophobia. the stratosphere populated with fluorescent tubelights, which never let u know the time of the day. and the all-pervading air of absorption, of busy-ness, of importance. like we’re all there to save the world, since it is elemental to human survival. jeepers!

but then again, friendly faces, helpful attitudes, a sense of solidarity and a sense of humour more than make up for the initial overwhelming intimidation.

but this sense of constantly being suspended on a tangent, swaying between the grown up world and whats more familiar is, sometimes, unnerving. why is it so much harder to find a firm foothold in the minefield that is life than it ever can be trying to climb a mountain? and to think, we’re not goats, and we’re the ones that rule the earth! collectively, i guess, the human community can throw up a few huge successful names and feel generally proud of themselves, but when it comes to individual trajectories, we’re all staving away our disappointments to ruminate on in solitude. and feel a little less sure of ourselves than we like to show to the world.

its a new life , yes. lets see how we deal with it. and just how much wiser it all makes me!


3 thoughts on “Hanging off a Pendulum!

  1. “its not chronological time that makes you feel old, its what you do with that time that makes a difference.”…

    Clear signs of maturity in your writings Nidhi. being aware of where you are certainly allows you to put things in context. I loved those lines and perhaps will apply them to my own being…
    Good work…

    I shall be back…Hungry for more!!!

  2. This can be a looooooong story. u were a kid wishin for adultery, oops, adulthood. then u were an adult wishin for childhood. Life keeps changin, like u said. But the way u describe office life, geez! wow! N still u can bear it? Mr Anand is right, u hav matured, and beyond my expectations.

  3. Life offers everything but at its own terms and time…irony is that one might never get the desires fulfilled at the time of one’s choice.

    The least we owe to our existence is the assurance that we will not try to be apes of a aforeset structure that curtails the very thought process that makes us unique…or unique is just another excuse for being insane…or insanity is a mere difference of perceptions?

    don’t follow stupid rules, just be youself and not a fool…

    nice to see that many of my close one’s have the same tussle in thier minds…

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